No help wanted

Since I discovered a few months back that I'm a HSP, I tend to be even more aware of my surroundings incl. the people I meet, see, or work with.
I guess that where my helper syndrome comes from. Something I always had, always will have, and honestly, kind of like. What can I say, I like to help people.

The question is, among others, why?

Some would say it's because it's nice to feel needed, and that might be correct in most cases. But is that all, and where does this need come from?

I can only speak for myself, and in my case it probably has to do with my upbringing. As I wrote in another blog post, I felt not so much unwanted, but ignored and left to my own devices.
Many kids would say, "yes please", but if you think about it it means that your parents didn't care too much about you. Otherwise they would check if you brushed your teeth or did your homework, etc.

Anyway, I'm sure my parents still loved me, but they could have done a better job of showing it!
Maybe they were just too involved with each other and their own problems, to care for another human being!?

That is one of the reasons why I believe, it's better to have children when you're a little older and, hopefully, also financial more secure. You have normally less things to worry about, and are a calmer person.
However, there is no right time, except the time when you're doing it (that is raising children, not the actual process of making them).

So, I believe, my childhood is a big part of why I feel the need to help. Another reason is that it makes me feel good, needed, and important.
In general, I believe it's a good thing wanting to help others, and it makes us better humans. But with this also comes a problem. What if the other person doesn't want or needs my help?

How often do women complain about, that all they wanted was to talk about their day, but their other half gave her, without being asked, advice?
A lot of men have done this, and many still do.

Sometimes a person just wants to talk, to get shit of her or his chest. But the helper in me wants to help, and even though I don't like to admit it, I seek some form of validation through it.
That is btw. where things go wrong, when our ego comes into to play, because that is all what wanting validation is, our ego screaming me, me, me...

It's not easy for me to deal with it when my help is rejected, especially when it's someone I really care about.. But I decided that I have to find a better way to deal with it, because it is my problem, not the persons who is sharing something with me.

So, I have decided to do my best, I surely will fail here and there, just to offer my help. This way the other person can decide if they want to take my help or not.

This is of course a generalisation and should work in most situations. But what is with the people who can't, for some reason, ask for help? Maybe they haven't got the mental strength, like me in early 2019, to ask or maybe they're too afraid that the other persons opinion of them is going to drop because they showed a weakness?

Whatever the reason might be, why somebody can't ask for help, I believe, all I can do is to use my empathy (not my ego) and experience/knowledge, to judge the situation the best I can.
Maybe all they need is to talk or an offer to help!?

So, for me, I know it's going to be difficult not to help straight away, especially at first, but with time it shall make me a better person and friend.
Something we all should strive for!